Now how about this....
Guess what we discussed last night at our meeting? You got it...Step One. We had a list of those very questions you posted and we all took turns picking one and discussing how that question applied to our lives.
We're starting a step study, doing a step a month. Naturally this being the first month, we did Step One. I loved it and now my HP is adding this on this board. I'm thinking He wants me to really get it!
Now regarding those questions last night at our meeting, I picked:
How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
Answer: For as long as I can remember, I've always thought I knew what everyone needed to do. As a mother, of course I knew what my girls needed to do. As a wife, well, I always knew what Mr. Hangin' should do. Even when my girls started getting older, making decisions on their own, good ones at that, I always had to add, "Well, honey, that's good, BUT ...." Their decisions/choices were never good enough for me. I've done the same thing with Mr. Hangin'. He's a very intelligent, rational man, thinks before he acts. He doesn't see things my way all the time. HOW DARE HE! And, of course, I haven't liked that because I AM RIGHT.
Well, fast forward...now 5 years in Al Anon and guess what? I was wrong! I don't know what the path is for everyone else. As wise as I think I am, I do not have "the plan". God does. And I can see now how He can use what seems to be the worst plan for good. Pre Al Anon you would have never convinced me of that. I've realized that I have to give my loved ones, and everyone else I come in contact with, the dignity to live their life and make their decisions.
Part 2 of that question...What were the consequences? Well, my family didn't like me. Who wants to be around someone who is telling you what to do all the time? And the more I told them what they needed to do, the more they didn't want to do it.
And then there were consequences for me. I'd knock myself out, trying to "help" them live their life and they wouldn't do it. I would get angry and resentful (can't you see I'm trying to help you?). I was shooting down any chance of peace and serenity in my life.
I loved what I heard someone say one time.
He said when I am trying to live someone else's life, all I am doing is wasting my life and doubling my misery. Gosh, is that not true?
When I get the idea in my head that I can change someone else, well, I just remind myself that I can do that just about as much as I can teach my dog to talk.
Thanks, Cats. Great idea on this Step thing.
Hugs,
Hangin' In