Hi CypGirl, I'm glad I was able to relate. I was so ashamed of my actions towards my abf at one time, I was equally responsible for our outbursts, but would often play the 'victim' after we had quarrelled. I have had to do alot of work on my temper, understanding where it originates from and healing that part of me. I realised that my frustration arose from not being able to 'control' him. If he wouldn't act/behave the way I wanted him to, I would get upset, then angry, play the 'blame game' become verbally abusive etc. All this only fuelled the fire and abf reacted in defense, frustration and anger. he too would play the 'blame game' become verbally abusive etc, things would just spiral out of control. Neither one of us were taking responsibility for our feelings and basically just acting like a pair of rebellious teenagers! Thankfully, we are both moving away from that now! You are by no means a freak or going crazy! We all try to fix and control in order to make our life as suffering free as possible, its human nature. For me, I just needed to learn healthy and practical ways to do this, namely by first understanding that controlling was completely out of my hands!
Originally Posted by
CypGirl 
...I would also like to ask for your forgiveness as i don't know how to do the fancy quotes that people know how to do...
Never feel you need to ask forgiveness! You can quote by clicking the 'quote' icon at the bottom of someone's post. It'll bring the whole post into another screen, where you can edit it. To make separate quotes just copy and paste the '
Originally Posted by ____
'and
symbols to where you want them.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...Everytime i felt as if i was getting angry or frustrated i told him, and why and it seemed to help. I gave him the list and told him to tell me if and when he wanted to go. He did start crying and said he wanted help, that he felt so depressed because of the life he is in and doesn't like it. He say's he wants to be normal... ...He did txt me an hour ago and say that he wanted a drink...
This is great, sounds like the two of you are capable of opening up and sharing your fears and emotions with one another. I find it hugely beneficial to be able to commicate in this way with my abf. In my situation, abf did listen and understand my fears, he began to acknowledge his own and we have been able to move forward through our recoveries together. He is not progressing as fast as I would like, but thats my codependant, controlling side coming through again. I try to be patient and understanding of his problem. I know he wants to stop and at the moment he is doing the best he can for himself, as I am for me.
Lily xxxxxxxxx