Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their replies and their warm welcomes. I would also like to ask for your forgiveness as i don't know how to do the fancy quotes that people know how to do...
Barbara52 - Thank you for your quick reply yesterday. I did read it but I wasn't in the frame of mind to reply. I think yesterday was a bad day for me...I think it's also cos time of the month that i felt more emotional then normal. But thank you for your reply and your encouragement that I'm not doing anything wrong. That did make me feel better..
Lilyflower - Thank you also for your reply. The part of your msg about giving him a black eye was so familiar. Although i've not given him a black eye, i have caused him cuts and bruses from pushing him. And yes your right I think it is due to frustration. It seems that you really understand what i meant in every part of that msg. Thank you for not making me feel like a freak, or that i was over reacting or going crazy.
hope2bhappy - Thank you for encouraging me to find a group that can help me as well as one that can help my husband. I didn't actually think of it. I've looked into it and its something I want to do...hoping that they have meetings here in Limassol.
WantsOut - Yes I do feel that his drinking is beyond my control. But I want him to want to control it, not for me to control it. Although I am a MAJOR control freak. Maybe that's one of the problems of why I do blow up SO easily. I don't like being out of control. Thats why i don't drink and have never even done drugs once. I don't like the thought of losing control. Maybe that's also why I don't understand what he's going through.
I didn't buy the ring or pay for the honeymoon. We are Cypriot and our wedding was paid for by gifts from guests...wedding over here are not the same as in the UK or in the USA. everything is paid for after the event and guest gifts more then cover the wedding.
I agree with you tho. It doesn't sound that he is very good for me. And at times i do think i would be better off alone. I guess I'm just not ready to give up on him yet. Yes his drinking does effect how i feel about him, and that's not a good sign, but I just can't walk away...not yet anyway...But my motto is never say never..
Oh and NY was fantastic and the people were lovely. Very helpful and friendly. I'll def be coming back...there's still so much i wanna see
shakarris and by myself again - Thank you both for your warm welcome and letting me know that i'm not alone in this.
beaglebaby - Thank you also for your welcome - I guess only time will tell if i am making a mistake. I think I just need to keep trying right now. I'm not ready to turn away.
I did go home yeterday and we talked. He was a bit drunk but not as much as other time, and was able to understand what i was saying. weather it sunk in or he felt the words is another matter, but he could understand what the words meant together.
We went out for a drive to talk as there was less chance for an argument. Everytime i felt as if i was getting angry or frustrated i told him, and why and it seemed to help. I gave him the list and told him to tell me if and when he wanted to go. He did start crying and said he wanted help, that he felt so depressed because of the life he is in and doesn't like it. He say's he wants to be normal. I know that you've all probably heard this, and i know that it may jsut be a line, or that they mean it but don't follow through. But I live in hope.
This morning i took him (he doesn't have a license..never has) to his new job to register and give his details to start on Tuesday. I'm hoping that the fact that he has a job will help him to concentrate on something else and not sit at home board and want a drink.
He did txt me an hour ago and say that he wanted a drink. He's finding it hard, but he wants to try and not have a drink. but that he is finding it very hard. I spoke to him a while ago and i tried to listen to the signs that he is drunk (I think it's becoming a habbit). He just sounded down and depressed, and i think that he's a bit confused, but i don't know if that's due to drink tiredness or the MS. So i'm trying not to think too much of it.
Again thank you all for your support and kind words. They do mean a lot to me. I haven't read many stickies or posts, as i'm at work and this is my private thing and don't want him to know about it just yet...It's my escape if you want....
:ghug