Update
Well it's nearly a year since I tried to stop/joined SR and it's 5 1/2 months since my last drink.
So much has happened to me.
I struggle with feelings. I have so much clarity. Some of it is terribly painful and some of it overwhelms me with happiness. The strength of the feelings sometimes feels like knives going through me. On the way home tonight, I made these sort of pained noises in the car. I am hurting right now and I am also overwhelmed by something wonderful that has happened.
Pain comes mostly from people in my life that I love who are still drinking and who do terrible things. They will not join me in a simple happy life. They cheat and lie and use me. I have to say goodbye. I don't know how so I am doing the next right thing and waiting for my HP to help me.
Joy - well let me tell you some of it. My children live with me always. I went camping with them last weekend. We played the game of life tonight. I am working hard and travelling a lot but there is safety and peace and love in my home. There is no price I can put on that.
I got a call from my sister yesterday. We hadn't talked for 2 years. She and my family blamed me for all the problems in my family. This Christmas, my alcoholic mother behaved inexcuseably. My sister said - you weren't there. I now see it wasn't you. Can you forgive me?
This is more than I could ever have asked for and completely unexpected. I can't describe to you how grateful I feel.
I am so tired. Every day all these feelings leave me completely drained.
I am growing. I am alive. I am doing what people to in the world. How brave non drinkers are. Now I am brave too.
Good night my beloved SR friends. In the words of Flight of the Conchords - I am tired and I think I will go to bed now (except it's not business time).