KayM

This really is just another day in my wasted life, but I'm feeling the need to vent a bit, and have realized that this forum is full of people like me -- so what better place?

In the midst of yet another screaming argument with my ex-SA husband, he called me a control freak. We've called each other lots of names, over the years, but I think this one insulted me more than most of the others.

I realized, after a little thought, that I was insulted because of this thought: "Doesn't he realize that HE is the reason that I feel the need to control everything? That if -I- don't control, there WILL BE NO CONTROL in our lives?"

And I realized, too, that I blame him for all my bad behaviors -- behaviors which, I will say, I didn't have before living with his addictions and post-addiction lies/arrogance/dishonesty. But I KEEP blaming him, and keep the behaviors. I can't give them up any more than he can give his up. But I think I'm better than that. I'm just really lousy at changing bad habits, or at adopting new ones.

Anyway, I'm pissed for being called something that I am, because I blame him for making me what I am. Our marriage sucks, and I just don't see it getting any better -- but I often wonder if just changes in MY OWN behavior might make that happen. Yet -- why is it all on me?

Thanks