Hello ther CypGirl, welcome to SR.
I can completely relate. Firstly let me tell you that you are not alone. I am so happy you found this site. I came here in October, just like you, feeling sick with the stress, frustrated, upset, angry. Its a horrible mix of feelings, but it can be made better.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl 
...I'm in a living nightmare. Screaming and shouting. He's not been violent apart from when i got so angry i pushed him out of the flat, he pushed me back. But things have been broken in the flat, by both of us out of frustration...
This was me and my abf. We pushed each other about a few times, once I gave him a black eye just but hitting him. This scared me, I didn't believe I could be capable of abusing a person, yet I did, out of frustration, anger, hurt, all my unresolved feelings were just building up inside me and they needed to come out in some way. Sometimes I would just smash things up to release it, because I knew I couldn't hold it in and I really didn't know how to let it go.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...i dont know if there's anything i can do to get him out of it....
Unfortunately, there isn't alot you can do, other than begin to heal yourself and behave towards him in a different way. I have found that when I began healing myself, exploring my codependency, looking at my role in the whole situation and understanding how this could lead to our outbursts, my abf began to change too.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...He's been caught from a shop stealing in our neighbourhood and banned from the shop and i had to pay out 200 pounds to them for all the stock they calculated that he stole....
This is what is known as enabling. He needs to feel the results of his behaviour. Have you read the stickies? They are at the top of the forum. There are a few great ones, especially those on the three act play, boundaries and abuse.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...I dont' talk to my friends about my life. I dont' tell them what i'm going through. I feel so alone, and i have no where to turn to....
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends at the moment, come here and talk to us! Also try to find an al-anon meeting in your area, they have their own web site.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...He say's he wants help and to go to AA meetings, so i've printed out a list of where and when they are and i've even offered to go to open meetings with him, but i've told him now he has the information, it's down to him to decide to go and if he wants me to go with him...
This is great. Let him move himself forward, he is a grown up and can do it himself if he wants. I made the mistake of continually nagging my abf, which just opened the rift further between us.
Originally Posted by
CypGirl ...have developed exzema, anxiety, panic attacks, virtigo and other symptems. Well i think it's due to the stress..I could be wrong...
I'd say your body is crying out for you to change your ways. Carrying all this around with you is obviously taking its toll. Look after yourself! Be gentle to yourself and don't forget to pamper you as much as you can. no one else is going to do that for you!
Read up on those stickies, and click any of our names to read our histories. This site is great for support and wisdom. I hope you stick around and keep posting!
Love and blessings to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx