nothing is working out lately. I have all these apirations and I keep hitting road blocks every step of the way.
Legal problems have me pulling my hair out.
living situation, problems getting work, finance, health issues the list goes on. right now I hit my boiling point cause I live with this guy and we dont have the intimate relationship he would like so hes been going to bars on the hunt for a willing female. he met a woman( not realy a woman more like a chick). He met her at a bar and 3 hours later moved her in. I really wanted him to meet someone but she is a full blown alkie and drinks 24/7 so now it is putting me at risk cause there is always booze in the house. all I need to do is drink and before i know it Ill be hitting the crack. I cant go back to that. as it stands now i am staring at the bottle of vodka that is here counting my pennies to see if I have enough to get high, but that isnt really what I want.
I guess Im just trying to find an easy escape, but smoking crack is never an easy thing cause all it does is attract trouble..... Lots of it.
I dont want to use my living sit. as an excuse, but I have just about had it with not having a zone to gain some serenity.
Now I am riddled with fear cause im on probation and now have to worry not only about using again, but also getting in trouble. kinda hating myself. Meanwhile Im online trying to give imacook advice and I feel like a big hypocrite, but I felt the need to reach out cause I dont want anyone else to go through what I did if I can help it.
Breathe....................
Cant sleep