It's sad, but I too remember feeling that way about my ABF. During one of his past binges, he went almost 2 weeks without eating. He looked horrible, lost a lot of weight, he was severely dehydrated. I knew he was going to die...I knew it was coming and I just wanted to hurry up and get it over with and get on with my life. I've never wished anyone to die before in my life, but his life and my life would have been so much easier, I thought, if we just didn't have to go through this anymore. Of course, I am glad he hasn't died yet, but it's just so hard for me to understand how something could have a hold on someone like that. In the end, it all makes me stronger.