Awwww Susan,
I wish I could say just the thing to make you feel better but I know I can't. You have to feel what you feel. It will take some time for you to feel good again. I hate addiction and what it does to the people we love and what it does to us.
Although things are going fairly well here, I still sometimes wonder if I'll ever feel the feeling of freedom again. It is just something that never goes away. I don't know how to get to that place. I read here all of the time and take the advice of others who seem to be in a better place than me but nothing works. I know the feeling of being trapped for life. All I can do for you is comiserate with you. To tell you I know the feeling of despair. I haven't been feeling good lately and I'm not offering anything good except that I love you and pray for you everyday. If you ever feel like you need to get away please come here for a visit.
Prayers for peace and comfort..............Lo