OHHH such a tough one for us moms.
I told my son from day one that I would never bail him out of jail since it would be his life that put him in. and then i had to actually face this situation. MUCH easier to say then do. Everyday I had to call someone to help me not to bail him out. He would call begging, telling me its horrible in there. How can a mom let his son sit and rot?? (Ouch) but I did.
when he got out. He got over it pretty quickly and not much has changed but at least I'm not blaming his lack of change on my enabling.
I have a friend who calls me daily to stop her from bailing out her son. I told her what many before me have said and it helped me. He will be fine there. He is warm, fed, and safe. He has a bed. He will sleep at night even though you aren't. The worst thing that will happen to them is they have to get up early and be on a schedule. It will give him time to think, maybe to want more than this. Maybe to seek or work harder at recovery. Its jail not prison so don't get pulled into that whole thought process.
When my son got out he finally admitted it's not that bad but that wasn't the point, he didn't deserve to be there so I should have helped. but he knows now i will stick to this. (Sigh) (Sometimes I could bop him aside his head for hitting the Mom button, and the gut wrenching pain it puts me through.)
It is always your choice and your boundaries when you are ready to set them. I have found that If I take a step in the right direction before I am ready I tend to go back to the pattern when I am faced with the same problem. I have taken baby steps in this journey. When I was ready ( which I was that time) it was hard and painful but I didn't doubt it.
Prayers to you both that he continues his recovery.
Cathy