Anxiety Sucks!!
It has been a little over a month since my mother died from years of alcohol abuse. I don't know how I do it, but I still work 40 hours a week and contribute accordingly as a wife and mother. I miss my mom so much. This past year had been very difficult because she relapsed after working so hard to get sober. It resulted in a bitter relationship between us. We would communicate, but I mostly preached and she always had something negative to say. I knew she was lonely and needed someone to talk to, but I was already broken and didn't want to continue falling apart from the worry and pain her sad phone calls caused. Many times now...I wish I had listened.
With all the support here, I am realizing that I did all I thought I could handle. I didn't want to be responsible anymore for her life. I begged her to get off the pity pot, but she found it so difficult. All I wanted was a sober, healthy, self-sufficient, and happy mother! I would get pieces of her just like so, but alcohol became a stronghold. Why!
Today, I have felt tremendous anxiety. I LONG TO HEAR HER GOOD VOICE. The guilt is also a factor. The could have, should have, and what if eat away at my mind. I am coping, but every minute is different.
I have always had an anxiety problem, but now it is becoming more obvious. I assume it is due to being an ACOA.
Anxiety Issues and behaviors
- I constantly feel judged
- I constantly seek approval
- I love attention from everyone
- I constantly judge myself
- I never feel good enough
- I replay almost every conversation I have with others
- I fear I am unable...
- I wear a mask
- It is hard to be social
If anyone has battled with anxiety for similar reasons or for any reasons please reply. I appreciate your support.
Sincerely,
Yellow