So many posts are sad to me. Now when I look back on my relationship with my husband, I see one thing that is different. While my family has always been the most important thing in my life, I also allowed myself to be a complete person. I never allowed my husband to be my identity --- I did come close to allowing my children to be my identity, but snapped out of that quick when they went away to college. The bad thing is, my husband/my best friend is dead; the good thing is, I will make it because I am not searching for an identity. I have always had my own. I will never let anyone take that away from me. If I have one piece of advice for young women, it is to be whole -- all by yourself, then whatever comes along, you are stronger and you are an entity unto yourself.