nytepassion

You are NOT an idiot .. You are person who loves a someone who is an addict.

And you can establish boundaries where he is concerned .. IF you walk in that door and he treats you in any way shape or form other than respectful and decent .. you can walk out that door just as fast as you entered it .. You don't have to stick around and have him mistreat you. If he ignores you .. consider it a blessing, go about your business and enjoy your evening. If he wants to yell, scream, blame, accuse .. head to the nearest room that has a lock on the door ..close it and lock the door behind you... pop in some ear plugs and turn on some music to drown out any sound of him ... And don't partake in the insanity.

Of course I know that it isn't always possible to do the above and sometimes impossible depending what kind of behavioral problems the addict has, but I do know that if we so choose we can refuse to interact with any unacceptable behavior and have no part in it. If he is the abusive, violent type ... call the police and send him to the grey bar motel for the night.

I don't know your situation .. so I'm just speaking from the top of my hat here .. but I do know that when I lived with my ex and I left out of town without him .. he always thought of it as a get out of jail free card and when I came home there were beer cans all over the house, old fried chicken legs under the coffee table .. his wedding ring on the side of his recliner and he looked like hell.

I use to get mad and give him the you've been drinking and using speech .. got myself all bent out of shape and upset and he denied he had done anything (his brother did it) yeah right ... I learned that whether I was home or out of town to expect him to drink and use .. after all he is an addict .. to expect anything other then the quote .. unquote "NORM" would be sitting myself up for disappointment.

Why is it always you? .. because he is an addict and addicts are masters .. skilled in the art of manipulation, blame and denial... Addicts know no personal accountability and absolutlely refuse to be held accountable for their actions .. therefore they will blame you, me, anyone and everyone else, but themselves or their addiction. You know the truth .. and the truth is .. it is NOT YOU. It is HIM .. HE IS AN ADDICT and as long as you are willing to believe the lies, take the blame and second guess yourself .. you can bet he is more than willing to let you think it is you. He won't be honest with you .. get honest with yourself .. Like I said, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH now you just need to BELIEVE IT.

We can't change em' but if we don't like the view .. we can change the scenery

****{Hugs to you}}}
Passion