You sound good, Ray. Much more upbeat and confident than a few weeks ago. Although you have had financial difficulties since he has been gone, you have found a new sense of peace and calm in your home and a new sense of strength and capability in yourself. Concentrate on that stuff.
It sounds like your kids are doing great, too. I know that the situation in my home brought me much closer to my sons. We talk a lot about their Dad and choices in life, and boundaries and enabling and forgiveness and many other things we never talked about before. Your kids will be your allies in this situation. My sons have no problem pointing out when I am slipping back into old unhealthy behaviors. They help keep me straight and focused and in the moment. I don't mean that it becomes an "us against him" scenario but we are, in fact, a family and we all work through these issues together. They can sometimes see things that I can't see.
One way or another, we will all live through this phase of our life. I keep telling myself that I did what I had to do at the time, and I will continue to do what I have to do in the future. We all do the best we can with the light we have to see by, and when we see better, we do better.
I hope you have a wonderful, loving and peaceful Christmas, Ray. Keep those angels around you.
((Hugs))
Babs