aaahhh jeeze.. I know how stressful it all is Cinders...I went thru this myself with our marital home.
My exah and I did file for bankruptcy before the laws changed. We discharged all of our debt but we re-affirmed the house because my exah was absolutely sure that he was 'done' using drugs and we thought we would be able to save our home.
Of course, my exah wasn't as 'done' as he thought he was and we ended up falling behind on the house. When I left my exah, I also left our marital home behind. Although I struggled to keep up with the hefty mortgage payment on my own (on top of paying rent at my new place), I was falling deeper and deeper into the muck. Finally, I just decided that I was throwing good money after bad and I contacted our lender. They agreed to take the deed in lieu of foreclosure. We basically walked away from the house with nothing to show for it but the debt was included in our bankruptcy estate from the year prior and so we weren't any worse off credit-wise when we did this. I'm told that we were very lucky that the mortgage lender reported the deed in lieu as being included in the bankruptcy discharge (rather than as a foreclosure after the fact). It took alot of phone calls and letters to the lender to accomplish this feat let me tell ya !!!
Anway, it was the smartest decision I ever made. I was actually able to buy my new home just 2 years later...with a decent interest rate. I thought it would take a lot longer to re-establish my credit. Its amazing how I can actually pay my bills on time now that I'm not carrying the dead weight of an addict around anymore.
Have you contacted your lender in order to discuss your options? I know bankruptcy and/or a deed in lieu of foreclosure are options of a last resort but in my case, they were the only way out.
Good luck with everything...