((((Rashue))))
I am so sorry you and your son is struggling. I never went to sleep after coming home from work this morning so my brain is foggy. I will have to think about this.
I can tell you (foggy brain and all) that there were times I was in the same place. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings that I had numbed out before. I was feeling tremendously guilty for what I put my family through, disgusted with myself for what I'd done, and felt like I would never be more than a waitress, living at dad's.
My dad would say "but honey, look how good you've done" and point out that I did have a job, I was paying my bills, I did have a car. One day it still didn't work and the 2nd day I was laying around crying, he said "why don't you call your aunt". Now, she is NOT a fan of recovering addicts - her DIL is one who uses her recovery to manipulate others. But, she has been a tremendous support to me and she basically told me the same things dad did, but for some reason it made me feel better.
I'm sure other moms will have experience, but I can tell you that it meant a LOT to me for dad to point out the steps I had made to improve myself and just tell me he loved me and it would get better. I still needed a little more reinforcement, but it still meant a lot....it came from the very person I let down the most (besides me)
Hugs and prayers!
Amy