I was at work tonight out of town when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered it because I.....well.....I'm not sure why I answered it, but I did. It was my X. He is out of rehab. He is in a half-way house. He wants to "talk."
Do y'all hear that music? Is it the merry-go-round? Up and down, round and round!
I am feeling a myriad of emotions. I'm glad that he is doing well and has been released. I am annoyed that he is making waves in my nice, calm life. I am scared that I will feel more for him than I know is good for me. I am scared that I will be colder and more unfeeling than I know is kind.
I feel open and vulnerable and confused.
Where's that damn rocking chair? I need to curl up in someone's lap tonight and have them tell ME it is going to be okay.
I think, very shortly, I am going to find out how many lessons I have actually learned and how much of my rhetoric is just hot air.
Life with addiction.....just one adventure after another........
I love you guys.
Babs