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Old 12-06-2007, 05:57 PM
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GreenTea
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
 
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
Oh, those horrible first thirty days... And those horrible second thirty days... I should have kept a log...

I detoxed while still going to work and hitting at least one AA meeting a day. At least I had people around me who knew to call an ambulance if something happened, (like if I collapsed and started seizing). My boss was very patient with me and allowed for a lot of flexibility in my schedule to accomodate things.

Drink *LOTS* of water, eat lots of nutritional food, and get plenty of sleep whatever you do... Let's see if I can remember it all...

Week 1:
Basically had a "regular" hangover, (regular *only* to a heavy drinker)... everything tasted like cardboard... nerves a continuous jingle-jangle... very "touchy", defensive and reactive... tired yet at the same time agitated... insomnia... nausea... felt like crying, felt like screaming, felt like guzzling a keg... headaches, bodyaches, anguish...

Week 2:
Insomnia... nightmares... nerves quieted a bit but still pretty raw... the "brain fog" settled in... fatigue... wanted to scream but didn't have the energy... nausea... constipation... diarrhea... headaches... bodyaches... everything tasted like sawdust... still very reactive and defensive and liable to lash out... depression knocking on my door...

Week 3:
More insomnia... more nightmares... very fatigued... nerves still raw and twitchy... headaches... bodyaches... lots of joint pain... nausea... more diarrhea... pretty unstable emotionally... taste buds come and go... hard to think straight...

Week 4:
Insomnia starts to ease off... more nightmares... no matter what I do I'm always tired... headaches... bodyaches... nausea eases up a bit... joint pain continues... starting to get regular "bathroom cycles" again... I'd shout at you but I just don't have the energy for it... taste buds are back... the world is pretty bleak and gray...

Week 5:
Insomnia pretty much goes away... still having occassional nightmares... no matter what I do I simply can not get enough sleep and I don't wake up feeling rested... depression settles in... thinking a lot about the past... depression... start to put on weight (which I took as a good sign)... thoughts of suicide... did I mention the depression?

Week 6:
Depression with brief periods of mental hyperactivity... "brain fog" lifts... very unstable emotionally... can't stop obsessing about the past... depression... still can't get enough sleep... still rarely feel rested... thoughts of suicide... depression, depression, depression...

Week 7:
Starting to get into a regular sleep pattern... still lots of fatigue but starting to feel rested some mornings... starting to think clearly again... still lots of depression... still lots of obsessing about the past... always crying inside... lots of futility... have I mentioned the depression?

Week 8:
Thoughts of suicide go away... still lots of depression but starting to find moments of joy or at least a little peace... some nightmares start up again... still sleeping quite a lot... starting to be able to smile occassionally... depression is less crushing and not as constant... feelings of futility come and go...

Week 9:
The depression eases up and isn't nearly as constant but its never far away... still can't get enough sleep... I think the heaches had gone away by this time as did most of the body aches and joint pain... starting to be able to laugh again... still a bit obsessive about the past... nightmares a lot less frequent... starting to feel more rested after sleep but still sleeping a lot...

Week 10:
Starting to come out of the depressive funk... starting to take an interest in things like laundry, people, talking, sunshine, fresh air, rain, AA meetings (participating rather than just attending)... emotions are still everywhere but not nearly to the same extreme... able to smile and laugh even if faked... still thinking a lot about the past... life starting to look a bit liveable...

Week 11:
Starting to take a lot more interest in other people... starting to feel okay with myself... when the depression comes, it doesn't come nearly as strong or for as long... I start being able to set it aside for later consideration, (like before bed), if I indulge it for a few minutes... occassional nightmares...

Week 12:
Able to breath easier... able to function in a room full of people... finding moments of joy in activities... begin going to AA meetings because I *want* to (not because I feel I *have* to)... bouts of relatively mild depression maybe only two or three times a week instead of daily and am able to deal with them a lot more effectively... not thinking about the past nearly as much... starting to feel human again... starting to assert myself a bit...

That takes me to about the 90 day mark and already I was feeling worlds better than I had when I was drinking... Still a lot of "stinking thinking" but I was at least able to think clearly again... Still a lot of thinking about the past but my emotions were stabilizing... Depression still came but I'd feel, well, silly I guess if I'd indulge it for more than maybe ten minutes... Still a lot of thinking about the past and my family, and then my step-sister died... Right after my 90 day mark, I have to face them (family) and interact with "those people" (family) right in my face again and I almost relapsed... A lot of calls to my sponsor, a lot of praying, a lot of wishing I was back safely at home again... I almost relapsed, but by the Grace of God I didn't... Thank You God!!!!!!! ... And I eventually made it home safely... More depression after that... (I think its been about eight months now since the last bout)...

Anyway... I guess that covers my detox... Those horrible first thirty days... Those horrible second thirty days... Life looking better around the 90 day mark, and hope and some joy had returned.

Through it all, I can not stress enough the importance of the following:
1) Drink lots of water
2) Get lots of sleep
3) Eat lots of nutritious food
4) Go to as many AA meetings as you can, (I think I did 120 in 90)
5) Do as much service work as you can
6) Talk with as many recovering alcoholics as you can
7) Find something -- anything -- in the way of "little nuggets of joy" and foster them, focus on them, polish them, nuture them and encourage them as much as possible.
8) Pray... Pray, pray, pray... And then pray some more.

My first day of recovery, my temporary sponsor told me to spend the entire day doing nothing but sitting outside, looking at the world, the trees, the grass, the clouds, the people and simply BREATHE... It was the best advice my temporary sponsor ever gave me.

Remember that I was a pretty "hopeless" case, (at least *I* think so)... Your mileage may vary and you likely won't need as much time just for the detox as I did... God works in mysterious ways and I simply can't thank Him enough for pulling me out of that hell... For hell it was and I do NOT want to go back...

Thank you for letting me share.

You are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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