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Below is a post by Pernell. He posted it for me when I was so afraid that my actions would cause my son's death. It helped me accept that I do not have the power over life and death. Not even my own. I've seen mothers lose their children after tough love and I've seen mothers lose their children who didn't practice tough love. Each one asks if they could have done something differently. You made the choices you could live with and that's the best any of us can do. There are no black and white answers. Most of the time it's which is the worst of two evils? The choices we have are never good.
Lots of love and hugs and tears to all who have lost loved ones.
First, I am going to make a statment that comes from the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous but before I do for those people who want to be proactive in another person's addiction no matter who that person may be "Acceptance". You must accept these truths as self-evident and prepare yourself as best you can. Here is the quote:
Chapter One
Who Is An Addict
Most of us do not have to think twice about this question. We Know!! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another---the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions and death.
Can You Accept This?
MG, there is a power greater than you that gave you life. And the same power with your help gave your son life. That power is the deciding factor in life and death. Believe this death is a part of life, it is inevitable. You cannot save your own life, think about it. You can enjoy your life and you can help someone else to learn how to enjoy their life. "Life Is" and that is as good a description of life as you will find. The other side of that is "Life Is Not" and there you have death as we know it.
Denial and the way, you allow it to play on your feelings, emotions and good sense is what makes for co-addictive behavior as explained above. It is not easy but it is necessary for you to be a healthy human being, accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change the things you can.