Originally Posted by
Carrie 
Why doesn't an addict get that unconditional love and support? They don't deserve it because they have addiction issues? I don't mean you specifically greeteachday. I mean some of the others who take this tough love approach. Realistically, how often does that work? In the case of addiction, I am the addict. Tough love kept me out of treatment for a year. I started out taking opiates as prescribed for some very real health issues. My prescription drug use got out of control over the last year and I don't even know why. All of a sudden I was popping pills like candy. I became addicted to the meds. Whenever I tried to get help I was met with disdain from the people who I thought could help me. I was called an addict by my doctor. He shook his head while he said it, like I was the most pathetic person in the world. I went to him for help in getting off drugs. I expected him to say this is a health issue and help me with a taper plan and some supportive meds to help with the inevitable withdrawals. I didn't get that. I was told I got myself into this mess and would have to get myself out of it. I was told to just stop taking them. So I called a rehab center for help. Spoke to a counselor who talked down to me, as if I was a child caught smoking weed. I never went back. When I tried to tell my brothers I was having problems, they didn't even bother to respond. When I asked why I was told they didn't know how to respond so they thought it best to ignore the emails I sent to them.
I have a novel idea. I am not talking about enabling the addict. I am talking about supporting them though, especially when they ASK for help. We don't need humiliation and not every addict sells all their possessions for drugs, hangs out on street corners, or prostitutes themselves. If you knew me, you wouldn't think for a moment I was addicted to prescription meds. I own a home, I work every day. I am responsible. I pay my bills.
Carrie I do see your point, I didn't ask to get addicted to meth, but I did.
I was finallyyyyy able to please EVERYONE!!!
But like drugs do then the horror story comes, and reality hits. It is very confusing, or it was for me.
But what I think you are missing, is 'most' of these people on this forum 'get that'.
None of them think, we did it on purpose, and they do have unconditional love, and of all people especially Greet.
Most of the people on here have been to hell and back with their addicts and the place they are at now is a form of tough love. Tough love does not mean they don't love their addicts unconditionally especially the Moms.
They are not talking about addicts who are coming to them asking for help.
They are not turning their back on any addict.
I have seen some of these people on this forum get so intertwined with their addict that they become the ones who end up suicidal, some of these people have lost their cars, houses, savings, dignity, friends, etc. over their addicts,
eventually they have to step back and take care of themselves,
It is not their responsibility to fix their addict but it is their responsibility to take care of themselves, if they let themselves fall to pieces they wouldn't be any good to themselves or anyone around them, and that is not fair to anyone.
You are talking about Your story, and judging them for theirs.
Cutting off one's family member because they have an addiction problem isn't really loving that person.
You have the right to your opinion, but to say that on this board is just wrong, and so very untrue.
You don't know these people and what they go through.
It's getting them out of your life. By not giving a Christmas present to this young man, all that is saying is you are angry at them for being addicted. You are ashamed of them. You want them out of your life until they can get clean. You are rejecting them along with their addiction.
So you expect everyone to go down with the addict. I'm sorry but I would never want my Mom to have to go through my addiction, and that is exactly why I did not tell her, the thought of her worrying about me, lying in bed thinking about me doing lines, not being able to stop, thinking about killing myself, I cannot imagine putting her through that. I know what it would do to my Mom, and I've seen what it does to these women watching their children go through it, you have no idea the pain they go through, at some point you have to draw your boundaries.
I will not be a part of my mom's drinking, and it's not because I'm ashamed of her, I can't handle it.
Why not try support? Why not continue to talk to them about getting help? why not load them into your car and bring them to a detox center? Why not bring them to a suboxone doctor if they are addicted to opiates? Most addicts can't stop on their own. They need help.
First of all you are jumping to a lot of conclusions by assuming that they haven't, second of all some of them are broke because of the money they have spent on rehabs, detox's, third, some of them just don't have the money.
If an addict is 'that desperate and wants to stop', he/she will find a way to stop.
They don't need someone taking them anywhere.
I wished for a year that someone, anyone, cared enough about me to force me into detox. Nobody did. I would have loved an intervention. Nobody bothered.
I would have loved one also, but that didn't happen, that has nothing to do with what these people here have done.
Perhaps the OP has tried this with their son I don't know. I hope this poor guy has someone in his life that hasn't given up on him yet. That's what tough love/cutting off the addict is. You threw in the towel. You gave up. That usually doesn't get the addict into treatment. What does get them into treatment is loving them enough to keep trying.
No one threw in the towel, and no one gave up.
I'm not sure why you keep throwing that around,
but if he 'didn't love him' do you think he'd be on
a recovery board asking for help and advice?
I think he'd say Screw Him, and not bother with him.
I don't think an Xbox is the best idea IF he is selling his possessions to get drugs. What would be the most loving gift would be a treatment program. Here's our gift to you. We will pay for you to (pick one depending on the circumstances)
see a suboxone doctor
get into rehab
go to Florida to the Summerhouse for 7 days
or similar
Talk about the best Christmas gift.
Are you offering to pay? Sounds like a great plan to me!
You talk about money as if it .. grows on a tree?
Just my perspective as a recovering addict.
I know you probably had good intentions when you wrote this post, but
before you come taking everyone's inventory so harshly I suggest you
get to know the people you are judging.
I am a recovering addict and have known most of these people for two
years and the rest of them since they have joined. Most of them come
from a very sincere place and are anything but ashamed of their addict.
It is already so painful for them to do what they need to do, but they do
the best they can. I credit this forum so much with my recovery they have
helped me in ways I can't explain with their "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE".
I have more "Moms" on this forum than I can count, when I need
something, or want to share or whatever, I don't even have to say it,
they somehow just know. If not I just ask, and believe me they come
running. :mock
They have been the best Moms, cheerleaders,
etc. I could ever ask for, so if they treat "me" like this, then I can only
imagine how they'd treat their own, when their own shows even a
glimpse of recovery in them.
Why don't you stay awhile and get to know them. :comfort