Carrie, as a FFSA who is happens to be a recovering addict posting here I can tell you that I can only deal with so many promises from the addict in my life. I can only deal with so many promises. I can only deal with so many "look at how good I am, pat me on the back" statements.
We don't need humiliation and not every addict sells all their possessions for drugs, hangs out on street corners, or prostitutes themselves. If you knew me, you wouldn't think for a moment I was addicted to prescription meds. I own a home, I work every day. I am responsible. I pay my bills.
Neither did she. There were years she functioned well at work, making the payments on everything. Of course, most people including her where not there when our cat found 24 pills left out and I had to get her to throw up the capsules as she was passing out. But noooo... no one ever knew she was abusing drugs...while they were trying to find out how to legally fire her for her poor work product. While they were asking me, behind her back, if I felt safe at home. After all, my mother thought she was functioning just fine. its not like she was selling her body or prostituting herself, right?
Why not continue to talk to them about getting help? why not load them into your car and bring them to a detox center? Why not bring them to a suboxone doctor if they are addicted to opiates? Most addicts can't stop on their own. They need help. I wished for a year that someone, anyone, cared enough about me to force me into detox. Nobody did.
The majority of addicts do not want to go to a detox center. Clearly, when your doctor told you to detox, you were not too happy although he felt you were safe to detox at home. Instead you became angry that he refused you 'comfort meds'. Even the nice detox around here offer you, at best, catapress patches for opiate withdrawal.
You want someone to 'force' you into detox when you admitted you are willing? If you are so willing, walk down and sign yourself in. And guess what, most addicts do stop on their own or with the help of a program they chose to join.
I can reach out to be burned. I can reach out and out until I have no energy left for myself. No, sorry. I had enough of the 'functional' addict in my life.
Cutting off one's family member because they have an addiction problem isn't really loving that person. It's getting them out of your life. By not giving a Christmas present to this young man, all that is saying is you are angry at them for being addicted. You are ashamed of them. You want them out of your life until they can get clean. You are rejecting them along with their addiction. Why not try support? Why not continue to talk to them about getting help?
You know what, it is loving that person. It is loving them enough to be able to say "I love you enough to realize I did not cause your addiction and I cannot cure your addiction. I love you enough to know you will pawn that Christmas gift, just as you pawned that bracelet my father gave you to give to me." It has nothing, less than nothing with being ashamed. It has everything to do with taking care of myself.
My grandfather died because he took care of my mother the last 10 years of his life. And guess who took care of him the last months of his life? It sure wasn't the functional addict.
I gave support until I had no more support to give.
If you ever have an addict in your family, perhaps you will see where I am coming from. I hope you never have to see it.