Hi Jes,
I can see you sitting there with your cat looking at the screen. Give them a tickle for me.
I so related to the pattern of your drinking. In the end, I stopped asking myself why I was doing this to myself. I just had no more thinking left. I drank cos that's what I did. I couldn't imagine not drinking. Everyone I know drinks and most of them were alcoholics in the end. Then I couldn't image life if I kept drinking.
I got the jumping off point before I lost everything. I am lucky.
If you jump into this, there will be hands and arms to catch you. I'll be one of them.
xx