Saint Francis, oh how your posts brought back some sickening memories for me.
You wrote "They stayed in the hot tub, he went outside and saw them, my friend and my husband kissing."
My XABF sat across from me on the deck of his houseboat, his best friend's girlfriend came over, and they proceeded to start kissing right in front of me. He said to her "oh, baby, that was so good" in just the same tone he'd tell me. I'd forgotten that for SO long until your post. At the time I looked at him and said "you PROMISED" and stormed to the opposite end of the boat. Did he follow me? No. I eventually went back and wouldn't speak to him. His excuses were so very lame.
Reading your post, I feel all the emotions come back. The stress, the sick feeling in the stomach, the chaos, the feeling that I had no power. As time went on, he began verbally abusing me too.
But months later, I live my life in peace because I know what a worthless POS shell of a man he is. I know how he's lied to women for decades, how his life has become a cesspool, the moral compass is gone, and how he's slowly committing alcoholic suicide. And I will have NO part of it.
You have reminded me again of the horror of being with an insane A, and I hope and pray that you are able to break free and fine tranquility, as I have. God Bless.