its a long road and for those of us that have been there..........I can tell you that you are not alone in your fears, thoughts, anger and feelings.......each of us know exactly what your going thru..............
right now alot won't make sense to you and some things that are advised you'll think ...oh no not me not us.............but try to keep an open mind and I recommend that you read..............read and read all that you can find for families with addicted loved ones.........
little by little it starts to make sense and it gets better............for you
regardless of his actions.
its so difficult to seperate the actions from the person.....expecially when you love them yet you have to for you.
I'm sure he loves you, and if love was enought to get and keep them clean none of us would be here............and there would be no addicts...........because they have people they love and who love them
but addiction isnt about love or lack of love...........its an illness
if you can please try to find a family group and take care of yourself!!