Thanks for helping. I'm so depressed and crying right now. I'm so unforgiving of myself that I "fell" for all the bs again. Just 3 months ago, I was going to leave and had the lawyer etc. Then I caved. He had been good for most of that time, but just lately with the intense drinking, it's been intollerable again. Ironically, it's our 9 year anniversary late November, but I don't think we're going to make it. Letting go of the dream...that's the hardest part. I don't even know where to go with our business together, home etc. Our finances are so emeshed (sp). Maybe he'll start the divorce proceedings since I'm such a "b*tch." Since I don't seem to have the balls. I guarantee the reason he left me tonight is because he didn't have easy access to beer...he probably thought he could take a taxi to a hotel and get himself a case, no b*tching from the nagging wife. Just looking at our financials, by me staying through his DUI, it's costing so far over $3K, plus fines, plus insurance. The best predictor of the future is the past. After he gets his work permit in 2 weeks, he'll be a menace on the roads again until he's caught, just a matter of time. Then it will be jail time and more $$$. AH went to AA, for a while, after DUI, but decided the mandated social services once a week negated his original obligation to AA. Dummy me, again. I'm such a fool. I can't forgive myself because I'm smart and know better. I would never be so foolish as to advise my friends to stay in this situation out of HOPE. Plain foolishness!