newsandi

I was on the NA 12 steps forum debating the whole NA way of things and Alera commented on feeling the same way I did and I looked up this individual and found this forum. So I want to begin by saying Thanks Alera for guiding me here and I hope this is where I belong. I am 2 days shy of my 30 day clean time and I went to 2 NA meetings and I just couldn't accept the fact that I was powerless over my addiction and I have to let my HP take control and help me. Well, I told my husband the first nite that I just didn't feel that was the way I felt. I kept telling him, I guess I am my HP because I owe all of my sobriety to myself. My inner strength and taking my clean time as serious as my life is not because of someone or something else but ME!! I want the credit, I am the one that went thru the hellish withdrawls, I am the one that is struggling but staying clean. I get the credit, its me not someone I dont know. I am sure that is what this forum is. My other reason I dont agree with NA and maybe this is where I will not belong here either, is that I have a pain pill addiction, nothing else but pills. I want to have a beer with my steak or I want my beer while watching a football game and not have to start my sobriety over again. I am not a alcoholic and I would never be one because I dont drink but once a month if that and I only have 4-5 beers at the most and I am done for a month or longer. I dont crave it and its around me all the time. My husband drinks so there is beer around all the time, dont have a desire to, but if I want to, I want my clean time for pain pills not anything else. Thats my story. Please help me find a home. I feel lost.