I just read through your posts. I feel almost exactly like you. It's so hard to find people who can relate. This is my first day on here. I am a Big time co. My bf was drinking a lot and starting to use vicodine. He is 25 and I could see him going down a horrible path. We would break up and get back together. Finally I wouldnt talk to him until he was ready to get help. He finally decided to go but not fully admitting he had a problem. In the begining of his 28 day program I was having almost feelings of jealousy. My emotions were all over the place. And still sometimes are. We did letters from the heart to eachother with the counselor on the second week. And he told me he needed to focus on himself and hoped we could still be friends. That ended the relationship that day. I told him he couldnt have his cake and eat it too and so did the counselor. I have feelings of resentment because i was the one working so hard to keep everything together and to get him into rehab. I spent 2 months finding one for him. The begining for him was my end.
or so I thought. I felt so betrayed. I was so wrapped up in his life that I left myself far behind. Now Im just trying to find myself again. I have felt soooo may of your emotions. To the point I was begining to think I was crazy. On top of that I just found out he was talking to a girl in rehab. He says it was just a friendship but I dont believe. it. "i have read up on the rehab romance." it helps me to understand a little bit more. But also sets me back once again. its so hard trying not to contact him. He promised myself and the counselor he would not contact me and to leave me alone. his 3rd day into an sle and he called. i did not pick up or call him back. Ahhhh its hard!
Anyways, I just wanted to say hi and to let you know I can relate. It feels good to know there are other people going through the same stuff. I would love to hear back from you and to hear how you are doing.