Welcome Sugarplum! When I call my 5 year old that name, she will tell me...Mama whats a sugarplum? is it sweet? I just laugh...Great name!
Were glad you found us! I know I rely on these boards soo much! I look foward to checking this every day. I've learned so much.
I can't give the best advice on the detachment, I know and hear you are suppose to detach with love, I tend to detach with anger most of the time. I'm trying to learn though. It is hard. There are lots of people here that are in your shoes. I have been with my A now for 8 years. We have a daughter as well who is 5.
I CAN shed some light to you on manipulation though...YES he is manipulating you, they are Masters at doing that. They want you to feel bad or sorry for them. It is exactly what they want. I understand where your coming from..and your not alone. I hope you keep coming back here and sharing. Take care of yourself, and if time permits go back and read some old posts, there is lots of valuable information in those that is very helpful.
Take care,
Many hugs to you
bonbon