Thank you so much for your message. To me, it really shows recovery in action. Instead of waiting for the alcoholic to take care of me "some day soon," and feeling sorry for myself, I learned from the Serenity Prayer to "change the things I can." "Once upon a time long ago" fantasies don't help or work on my personal recovery. Understanding alcoholism or the need to heavily consume alcohol as a powerful, all consuming physical, emotional, and spiritual disease and that drinking is the drinker's first priority wasn't easy for me. But I was mentally going down the tubes and things never got better for me until I started taking care of me and my own needs.
I became a functioning adult instead of a dependent child when I told the alcoholic that I was no longer willing to be left alone day after day without any money (he told me my handwriting was so bad that he didn't want me to write anything in the check book for years). Instead of threatening him, I told him I was keeping my own pay check and that out of that money, I would make the car payment and buy groceries. That action assured me that I would always have access to transportation and there would be food available to me whether or not he came home. Using the slogan, "how important is it," I learned to hire someone to do handyman repairs because something was broken that mattered to me, I did. If it wasn't important to me, I just left it broken.
Recovery feels funny. But what I learned is that I could take care of myself and meet my needs without continuing to hope that my husband would start acting and responding like a husband. And I learned that I could handle most situations quite well or knew where and who to ask for help. I was no longer willing to have my safety jeopardized or willing to go without the basic essentials of life...food, shelter, and clothing.
I also learned more about myself as I thought about myself. I bought toothpaste and shampoo that I liked instead of products that I knew he liked. I started listening to music that I liked when he was home instead of waiting to listen to it when he was gone. I went ahead and fixed meals for myself instead of planning a meal on what he liked. The real truth of the matter was that I started doing things I should have been doing for myself all along and that I had caused so much of my own discomfort and unhappiness by abdictating responsibility for myself. And with each day, I started growing and have remained ever so grateful to Al-Anon and my Higher Power.