Hey Boni,
I'm another mom of an addicted daughter. She's sober today, thank God, and we take it one day at a time, both of us. Just wanted to tell you that to give you hope.
Now regarding what you can say. I have good sentences/phrases written down in the back of my Al Anon "One Day at a Time" book and kept it near the phone when my daughter called. Here's a few you might could use:
1. I'm always willing to do what is in your best interest and I just don't think this is in your best interest. (Stops them dead in their tracks when they are trying to guilt you into giving them $.)
2. Sounds like you're having a bad day.
3. That may work for you but it doesn't work for me.
4. Oh, honey, I'm sure you'll figure it out.
And I learned this from a 1st grade teacher who said she was so tired of listening to a little 1st grader whine and whine about something. She finally just looked at him and said, "Bummer!". That one word fit perfectly when my AD called whining and being the victim.
If you haven't tried Al Anon meetings, I'd suggest you try to find one and attend some. They have helped me tremendously.
Hugs from this mom to you,
Hangin' In