Thanks everyone for talking about this. I thought I must be missing something that was pretty obvious, but now I can see that it is just a difficult thing for anyone to do.
I was told to look at it "objectively" as if it were another person, because I have so much trouble knowing what I have a right to feel. Even now, my head will jump in straight away to censor me. That's a good point, Bonnie, I will have to watch for that judgemental attitude.
I know that I need to be patient and kind to that part of me protecting the pain, but that's hard to do when it gets so defensive! It doesn't make any sense to fight with myself over this, but that's exactly what I do.
Anyway, journalling is a great suggestion I will try that. For some reason, I often think of journalling as a kind of test. It has to make some kind of sense and include some solutions as well. It was so good to be reminded today that all I need to do is write whatever I feel.
Thank you all and to anyone else just starting out on this journey, at least we can know we are not alone!
Amy