Expectations...
Being so new to the understanding, I have a hard time (obviously I go from step 1 to 3 and then back to 1!) differentiating non-negotiable things from expectations. Non-negotiable, no drinking, no smoking, honesty, and faithfulness. Expectations, he get a job, be responsible, take control over his own life. Or is that still me just trying to 'control' him? I don't know. Where does genuine caring come in? Can't I just be 'caring' or concerned if I want to know if he has gone to a meeting yet? Does it really always mean 'controlling'? Perhaps I have a lot of working on myself to do still. Just when I think I have a handle on it for me and thinking of my needs first, my world comes tumbling down and once again I am the controlling _itch.
I have always been the responsible one with the same job for 18 years, with retirement $$ to take care of myself while my SO has nothing. Now, not even a place to live and he makes me feel guilty that I am not "letting him back in" right away, if ever. When we were living together, I did not do the routine well of waving goodbye to him at the door when I went off to work - I hated that! I guess I always wanted someone to take care of me but never had one. Maybe it's just the grass is always greener, I certainly don't know. Sometimes I feel like the more I learn the more I don't know!