Hi Doodle. Although you have already gotton some GREAT advice.....I wanted to offer mine. If you will, go and read my posts on here they will explain my story to you concerning my addict. For a year I worried, cried, questioned him, pleaded, begged, did EVERYTHING I knew to do to try to make myself believe that I could change him. During this time I also lost my 98 year old Grandmother who raised me all my life. It was like losing my Mother. On Sept 18 this year on my way to a doctors appointment I almost had a TOTAL mental breakdown, because of losing my Grandmother and because of everything my addict had put me through. When I told my story to my doctor he prescribed Zoloft for me for depression. I have taken it faithfully everyday. It has done wonders for me, as far as making things that were once MAJOR big to me, seem small. I'M NOT giving medical advice here.....I'm simply saying PLEASE take care of YOU!! All the worrying you can do will NOT change your addict, but will only put you in an earlier grave. You're not the one with the "problem", so you don't deserve to worry yourself sick like I did, yet just like me you love the one with the "problem". ALL we can do for them, and the other people we love in our lives is do the best we can by them and take care of OURSELVES. I have come to realize since my breakdown Sept 17th, that I can not change my addict anymore than I can change the fact that God took my Grandma. When she left me I wanted to go too. I lost my will to live. For a year (almost to the day, b/c she left Sept 18, 2006) I cried daily. Yet, that breakdown did something to me.....I realized I couldn't bring her back, and I HAD to go on for my 3 kids and my Grandson. She would have wanted that. I have also realized that worrying about my addict will only drive me crazy in the end, and thus take me away from my kids and Grandson. Only HE can change HIM, only HE can control HIM. I can "want" him to stay clean and have a good marriage with me, BUT I can't make him want the same thing. HE has to do that on his own, as does yours. I hope I've said something here that helps you, and please know that you're NOT alone in this. PLEASE take care of YOU!!
HUGS & PRAYERS!!
JEN