cece

Well I made two phone calls to the two people I love most in this world. My son and my separated husband. ( never know what to call him).
To my son I said, " that I would not send him $ for a haircut for his court date (after I kind of said yes and realized it wasn't a good idea.) He had also asked me if i could send him nicotine patches as he wants to try to stop smoking. So when I said I wasn't going to send any $ he preceded to say goodbye.
I later called my husband(?) to tell him that we couldn't "date" anymore, which was what we had slipped into doing, until he went back into counseling and addressed his depression again. He couldn't say anything except that he was pretty shook-up, he thought we were doing good. ( yeah cause dating is easy!)
So my codependent self knows that they will both probably alienate me. I won't here from them for a while. So even as I was talking to them, sure of what I was doing, that little voice, that part of me that needs to be loved, wanted to take it all back. So they both would be happy with me, love me, and still need me. ( sucky huh?)
I know i needed to do this. but it really hurts and feels very lonely, but also feels right. ( If that makes any since?)
The only chance my husband and i have is if he admits he has a problem and is willing to get help for it.
the only chance my son has is if he faces all of this life on his own.
thanks for letting me , let it out tonight.
Looking at all the posts, something seems to be in the air.