Hi Amy,
I struggle with my feelings about my childhood and my dad's alcoholism b/c even though I clearly see how it affected me, I still feel that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Things just weren't that bad! My dad worked at the same job, a great paying job, for 33 years, rarely missed a day of work, we lived in a nice house, my parents always drove nice cars, and by all appearances we were a successful middle-class family. So, why am I so screwed up again?
I try to give myself a break, but it's hard. If asked how I feel about it, my first and pretty much only thought is that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Yes, both parents were emotionally unavailable. Yes, my dad was emotionally abusive. Yes, I was pretty much raised to take care of myself and everyone else in my family. No, I wasn't really allowed to be a child. But I still feel I should have turned out stronger, should have dealt with it better....
I have a lot of underlying emotions about my childhood - anger and sadness primarily, but the strongest emotion by far is disappointment in myself, that I didn't handle it better, that I turned out so screwed up. And when I do try to be objective and non-judgemental, I find it hard to do. I still think I really have no legitimate complaints....