Laura, as selfish as this may sound, I have experienced and sometimes still do the same thing you are feeling, but about having a second child. I am extremely blessed to have my little boy and I would take nothing in this world for him, but sometimes I relly like the thought oif having a 2nd child, but our situation has made that impossible right now. No real words of advice because I struggle with this too, but know you are not alone. I hold you in my prayers and thoughts.