Old 10-31-2007, 09:26 AM
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TKL
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 5
Helping children of a recovering alcoholic

This is my first time posting...I'm here because I am looking for some help and advice. I never thought I would be looking on a website for help about alcoholism again - I left my alcoholic husband (now ex) 4 years ago. After years of living with an alcoholic with 2 young children I finally decided to get out. It was the last push that he needed and he thnakfully went into rehab - he has been dry ever since.

My children now live in a happy 'normal' home with me and my partner and are now aged 10 and 7. I don't (or at least didn't) view them as "children of an alcoholic". From my point of view I had got them out of a destructive (but not violent) environment and their dad was dry. They see and stay with him every Thursday overnight and every other weekend.

The problem is that although he is not drinking, he is still very clearly not functioning. He has passed his addiction on to the computer, playing online games until the early hours of the morning. When he has the children to stay he does absolutely nothing with them - he often stays in bed until midday and the children pretty much have to fend for themsleves. They just watch TV and play computer games and wait until he makes a microwave meal...

My youngest child is now having serious problems at school - she has had to repeat a school year (veryunusual in the school system where we live) and she is even bottom of that class. I have just had a full educational diagnostic report done on her and the specialist described her as extremely anxious, angry and confused, yet perfectly intelligent - she should be doing well but she is not. The counsellor puts her academic problems down to the fact that she has been completely 'closed' to learning for the past 3 -4 years. She said that my daughter told her openly about life with her dad and is clearly very distressed about the situation. She knows the way he behaves is not 'normal' but does not understand why and feels that no-one else seems to see it.

I have rambled on enough. My question is - does anyone have any experience in helping young children of recovering alcoholics who still do not function properly? Should my little girl have therapy? How can I help her? I know that if I speak with their father directly I will just make matters worse. Catch 22......
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