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Old 10-31-2007, 08:25 AM
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amnesia57
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 17
Addict son wants to move back in

Okay, I am freaking out this week, so please forgive my little rant (that's all this is, a rant; I don't expect any magical solutions).

My wife and I just went to visit our son (age 23), who is has been in prison since last spring for DUI (heroin) and car theft. He has been in and out of various jails since the middle of last year. He told us that it looks like he will be getting out on parole much sooner than expected. (He had an outstanding arrest warrant due to running away from a halfway house in another state, but it looks like that state isn't interested in extraditing him anymore.) He also indicated that expects to move back in with us when he gets out, and has already put down our home address as his "parole location."

We immediately told him this was unacceptable. He got very hurt, angry, and upset and begged for "another chance" (I've lost track of how many "another chances" we've given him already). My wife went into codependent mode and started negotiating ... in a matter of MINUTES she proposed to let him live with us 6-8 weeks while he "gets back on his feet." I said did not agree to this, and instantly my son began complaining bitterly that I was interfering with his recovery. We didn't resolve this and left the prison in a very tense mood.

I don't know what to do. I can't face the prospect of having him live under our roof and turning our lives upside down. The idea that he'll "get back on his feet" is ridiculous and we all know it; he'll spend his time sleeping, staring at the TV, and hanging out with the few doper friends he's got left. He'll trash the house, leave dirty dishes everywhere, and search through our personal belongings while we're at work (looking for checks, credit cards, and things he can sell). Our phone bills will be filled with weird long-distance calls made in the dead of night. And, of course, my codependent wife will spend gobs of money buying whatever he wants to "start his new life." (He's learned that saying the words "start a new life" triggers a shopping spree.)

My wife suggested writing him a letter telling him how I feel ... but if I do, he'll call my wife (collect, of course) and say "boo-hoo, Dad wrote me a mean letter, now I'm too discouraged to go on," and once again I will be cast as the villain in his little drama.

I am seriously thinking of moving out just so I don't have to watch this slow-motion train wreck. I deeply resent that my son would screw up my marriage just so he'd have a couch to sleep on for a while, but I am running out of options.

That's all. Thanks for reading ... like I said, no magical solutions, but I thought some of you on this board would understand.
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