Hi all,
Thanks so much for your kind words of support -- it really means a lot to hear from people who have had similar experiences, and it's great to know I'm not alone. One of the dynamics I'm dealing with is that when you're in the relationship with the A, you think that you're crazy (in large part because they refuse to take responsibility for their behavior), so it's helpful to have many of the unexpressed instincts I had about the axbf's behavior reinforced and reassured. It's particularly frustrating and sad, as I'm sure many of you know, to see someone who is so functional in some areas of their life demonstrate a total inability to manage anyone's needs other than their own once the work day is over. I guess I'm just glad I was able to make my frustration and dissatisfaction as clear as I could, and that I didn't spend years in a relationship that could never live up to the dreams I had for it. I only wish I had been less naive about addiction -- i didn't realize how easy it is for addicts to move from one substance to another, or that not seeming drunk after 6 beers a night or only drinking beer or even acknowledging yourself as a "functional alcoholic" are just excuses to continue addictive and destructive behavior. Being in between an addict and their substance is a scary and dangerous place to be, and I hope I'll never be there again. I can't wait for all of this to recede into the past, but for now, the post-break up pain is feeling more and more tolerable, and my vision for the next stage of my life is beginning to come into focus. Thanks again!