From what i understand through reading, posts here, and al anon, the main thing A's care about ? Is Alcohol. I think it depends on what stage they are in, but i can tell you from experience that if you are a threat to their drinking, unfortunately, they will choose the drinking over you. It's something that non alcoholics will never understand, nor should you waste energy trying to. I'm going to copy something below that has been in these posts for a long time, but that really, really opened my eyes. No, i'm not okay, but I do see my situation in a different light:
My name is Jon.
I'm an addict.
And this is what addicts do.
You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All i care about, all i think about , is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When i say I love you, I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if i loved myself, and since i don't, i cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that i could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't phase me that i hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
M behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again.
Stop Being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts to.