I was at a conference last weekend. My friend with a long time in AA, but little time in Alanon was sitting next to me. My Alanon sponsor hugged my friend and said to her, "Oh it is so good to see what progress you've made. You are so PRESENT."
My friend just looked at her, puzzled.
Sponsor said, "Don't analyze it. It's a COMPLIMENT!"
You know what the friend did? She worried about it. She obsessed about it. She even told me she thought she wasn't sure she should be in Alanon because she didn't get it (ah... you are obsessing about what someone thinks about you, hon - yeah, you belong here, I said).
Anyway. My friend finally contacted her own sponsor about it. She laughed and said, "Oh for heaven's sake. She told you, right up front... It was a COMPLIMENT, and what you are struggling with is how to make it into something else?"
We both had a laugh about that.
We are not in control of other people's perceptions. Just as I am not in control of whether my kids use or drink. Or whether they learn how to be responsible adults. Or whether my daughter is the best kind of mom. Or whether my son will marry the right gal.
I am not in control of people.... places.... or things.
That is the basis of my program in Alanon. Letting Go. Learning to detach. Listening. Being fully present. Shutting my mouth. Doing the next right thing.
Barbdee.... I think each and every one of us here has either been in a similar situation to you, or fears it very much.
One of the times my kid relapsed, my sponsor told me - have you ever listened to the stories around the tables in AA? Have you noticed that many of the folks with a lot of time have had to "go back out" in order to learn what it REALLY takes to stay clean and sober? Perhaps this is THAT part of your own child's recovery path... don't get in the way.
When they tell me that "Relapse is part of recovery", many of us wince. But the truth of it is, recovering from a RELAPSE can bring many good, deep lessons that aid the long-term recovery process.
I pray this time for him can be short, and that you will also find some strength and wisdom during this painful time.
Remember - you are not alone.
((hugs))