Personally I think you are being wise .. you've clearly drawn a line and set boundaries (I'm sure because he and his addiction and the behavior that comes with it) has given you no other alternative but to do so for your own sake and sanity) He knows what the 'rules' of the game are and he knows what happens if he breaks the rules.
He can talk all he wants about all the changes that he has made, but those changes can't over shadow the fact that he is still drinking and I'm sure if he has been exhibiting 'old patterns' the reason being is because he isn't working on his recovery. Being clean a few months and going back out and using then trying to minimize it by calling it a slip isn't recovery in my book. Was he using, has he been drinking, well he drank last night so I guess that it is safe to assume that he probably has done it prior to last night too .. that would explain the old patterns creeping in.
If he isn't going to meetings and he doesn't stay in close contact with his sponsor well then one would have to wonder just what IS he doing to ensure his recovery. Clearly these signs would indicate that he isn't doing anything and if he isn't doing anything well we all know what happens there ... The addiction is in control
In light of everything you shared .. I wouldn't say you were being unsupportive at all .. I would say you can spot a wolf in sheep's clothing - You're senses are attuned and you smell the rat - I think you are one smart cookie.
You have every right to make choices in your life that are best for you .. You have every right to choice to be around clean and sober people ...
It not your problem if he can't make the mark ...
He told you he drank, but he still wants to see you - (you let him in now .. knowing this it will send a message to his addicted mind that though you say it is unacceptable - you are willing to accept it JUST TO SEE HIM.
Him talking about all the changes he has made over the years in my opinion are like unspoken confessions that he is indeed still using .. they are "yes buts" without him saying the yes .. but look what I did here and what I did there, and but I've done this or that.
He is begging you to understand and be patient - Nope, he is asking you to let him have his cake and eat it too - he's trying to weetle his way back in on his terms. He obviously has forgotten that you've been patient for 3 1/2 years.
(Can't support his recovery if he ain't recovering)
I'd say for your best interest - stay strong and stick to your guns ..
****{Hugs to you}}}
Passion
Last edited by nytepassion; 10-22-2007 at 01:51 PM.