Lightquest -
I remember you and am sorry to hear about your ABF still going at it. I know that the best thing for me to do is to focus on me and what I am doing, my boundaries, and adhering to the consequences that I have decided upon. I am convinced that the journey that we are on to recover is even tougher than drug/alcohol addiction.
I know that when I am angry then something is wrong with me - not anyone else. The 4th step helps me with that one. Everytime that I am angry at my RAH I look to see what my part of it is - usually it's either poor boundaries, denial, or self-delusion. One day at a time - and nothing changes if nothing changes. Are you doing anything to take care of yourself? How are you keeping the focus on you?
This is tough stuff - the mind of someone in active addiction is sicker than I ever believed.....when I was dealing with my RAH prior to his recovery I was in active addiction (over him) and it really sucked. I used to be afraid of him using but now I'm afraid that if I falter for even a day that I will fall out of recovery. I can't afford that. I'm so busy working on me that I worry less and less about him.
Don't know if this will help at all but that is how I began to let go...
Hugs - Donna