You have to take baby steps in letting go...don't feel that you have to do a 100% turn-around to help safe yourself and your son. When I first read some of the post here it appeared to me that people were just tossing their children out and having no contact with them...(I said appeared to me). After reading more about their stories they made the moves in baby steps so that they could begin their recovery. I beleive my biggest fear...which is the same as anyone dealing with addicts is that they will overdose, or hurt themselves because we detached ourselves from them. The addicts know that this is what is keeping us tied to them...they know that we love them so much we don't want any harm coming to them. Now...put the shoe on the other foot...if he is not willing to seek some type of recovery...are you willing to live this lifestyle?? You know, the one where he get desperate enough to sell your things, to steal from you, to lie to you..to manipulate you until you are too drained to deal with it anymore??
No one is telling you to toss your son out to the dogs, what they are telling you is that you need to make boundries and stick to them. If he uses he is gone, if he steals he is gone, if he lies, he is gone. Let him know these are the rules...if he breaks the rules you needs to face the consequences!! You can't walk on eggshells hoping that he will get help ....he has to want help first!