Oh we can numb it out babs, for a time but one day it comes back and we feel it! Oh do we feel it or we just keep running and accumulate more baggage along the way.
I knew when the numbness died, the life time of escape had to be paid and I might add I still pay now in the present. The loss is indecribable.
I suppose that in some ways is why some stay for as long as we do. The years of supressed guilt, shame,remorse ect, every glimps when sober another reason to stay numb.
I died many many years ago when I ceased to feel, as most of your loved ones did and only now, in my late thieties have I truley started to live and be not afraid to feel.
At least you are still alive babs and still feel with most of your humanity intact. This will be something your AH will never own, unless he chooses to face a thousand pains that he has hidden from.
I will always show full empathy and understanding for the addict for the rest of my days and never forget the missery from which I came , and they are still in.
Babs I'll bet in the end you were just as numb and dead as he was, with out the drugs, but your not anymore. There is no escape for us outside of physical death or faceing ALL we have done.
Pip and the kids are doing real well. I am doing a little part time work while finishing a D/A course so we have been really busy.
I am sorry on the loss of your mother, was it a hard time for you?
I will check back in tomorrow. hopfully hear more from you then. dakotaboyd