Hey, Dakota, always glad to see you drop by. You add a perspective that enlightens us all. Pip and the boys doing well?
Sadness, it is so hard to hear your sorrow. One of the things that just about kills those of us who have been married to addicts is what it has done to our children. There just isn't any easy way to get through having an addict for a Dad (or Mom!) But you DO have choices. You can choose to be the victim and be miserable all the time wishing for something you can't have.......wishing that your Dad was home and not addicted is about as useless as wishing that you were a princess who could live in a castle! It is simply not reality. The trick to growing up a happy, mentally healthy person is accepting your reality (whatever that is...no tiara, no castle) and digging out the good parts of it to enjoy and build on. Use the analogy of the diamond mine...the diamonds aren't just laying around for people to pick up easily. They are buried deep down under all sorts of hard stuff, and it takes a lot of work to dig them out.....thus the reason they are so valuable.
Believe it or not, you have learned many valuable lessons from your Dad. My son said that his father was the best bad example a kid could have.....he learned very young (as you have) the real consequences of drug abuse, and what to avoid in his own life.
By the way, sometimes crying in church cleanses our hearts. Tears can wash away a lot of hurt. We empty our pain, and have room for healing love.
Oh, Cinder, my heart is just breaking for you once again. Losing control of myself is what finally made me put an end to my marriage. It was not about what he was doing. It was about what it was doing to me. I was the one screaming like a banshee at my sons. I was the one who was furious if the person ahead of me at Publix had an out-of-state check. I was the one who drove like I wanted to punish the world. I was turning into a monster.....because I was so attached to my husband that HIS addiction made ME crazy. I didn't divorce him because I hated HIM, I divorced him because I hated ME.
Addiction is truly, truly a family disease....and sometimes I think the addict is the luckiest one in the bunch. At least he gets to numb his pain.....we don't.
Y'all keep those chins up. We are all so much stronger than we feel some days!
((Hugs))
Babs