A common example is the issue of someone else's behavior "making us angry". This is a very common way of expressing something and we hear it often, but in fact it distorts the situation it attempts to describe. A more accurate description of "someone making me angry" is to say that I feel angry about their behavior. They are not making me anything- they are simply behaving in a way that I am getting angry about. I notice their behavior and then I become angry. The responsibility for the anger is mine, not theirs. This can sound strange at first, but dealing with problematic anger and frustration this way works.

REBT theory says that it is generally irrational and self-defeating to get all worked up about someone else's behavior. The anger is based on a faulty assumption, which is that the other person SHOULD behave in the way I want them to. If you think about it, what the other person SHOULD do is not necessarily what they DO do. This is a very important element of the equation- reality. They do what they do, and then I/you automatically get angry about it, and feel quite upset for a while- possibly very upset. It's like walking around with a big pushbutton on your forehead that says "Push here to aggravate". Is this a useful response to others' behavior? Probably not.