Thank you everyone for your strong support. I know it's difficult to respond to someone without knowing exactly their life history.
My husband is asleep and has been for the last 5 hours. So, our anniversary is waisting away by the minute. We spoke this morning about HIM ruining our anniversary. I don't hold back my emotions so I told him EXACTLY how I felt and what today meant for me and how it will now be a horrible memory rather than a beautiful one. My husband admitted and acknowledged his addiction about 3 years ago. The self-counseling and discussions we had with one another have helped tremendously. He's been to a couple of meetings the first year and actively attending church has helped us more than anything. I've read many books and have read about my roll and how to cope with an addict. Prior to 3 years ago my outrage and outspoken personality caused more trouble than helped. I've learned to speak differently with my husband and actually decided not to have full on conversations with him until after he comes back down.
I calender his drug use and show it to him to remember the days. He admits his drug use which I know is a huge step for an addict. I know we are on the right track to recovery. The pain for my husband today was HUGE...I know it was a VERY LOW day for him. It may have been the rock bottom of his addiction. He looked online for NA meetings and plans on scheduling us for counseling. I'm not scheduling anything...he has to want it and schedule it himself. I've heard the counseling comment before, let's just see if he schedules it.
I'm so grateful for this post. I'll continue to post when needed.. We are leaving for a lengthly trip to Ireland/London for 2 weeks at the end of the month. When we travel is usually the time when he is off the drug the most. I sometimes wish we can always be traveling.... the record time off the drug this year is 4 weeks. Today we start over..Day 1.