hi strongwilled. I was an active coke addict. I am no longer an active coke addict. I will always be an addict though. Unfortunately that doesn't go away. It's not something, I or any addict can control. That's why we have to quit using forever. There is no such thing as a recreational addict.
Anvils post is right on the money. Coke addicts don't get better until they quit using. Eventually, your husbands use will progress back to what it was, and then, it will get worse. That's just how addiction is. Cocaine is not something you can control. Cocaine addiction is progressive. An addicts life will spiral farther and farther out of control until they quit or they die. That's what addiction does to a person. You won't be able to stop him. Your life will spiral too. Unfortunately.
I am sorry for all the pain that you are going to go through. I wish I had some more positive news. Of course there is hope. Addicts can quit using. Forever. Life gets better then. But it takes commitment and a true desire to quit. We have to lose a lot before we get to the point of wanting to quit. That point is different for everyone. And then we have to work at it. Quitting isn't as easy as saying "I quit" and being done with it.
I want to be sure you understand that you cannot be addicted to Coke and be a recreational user. You describe your husband both ways. Once you get addicted, you can't go back to recreational. Thats the nature of addiction. And your husband is using coke on a regular basis. Regular use means you are addicted.
FYI. Having a child with an active addict is a really really bad idea. I did. He left me at the hospital when I was in labor to go get high. I guess I was lucky he was around to even drive me there. He kept strange hours which were really disturbing to me and the baby. He was unavailable emotionally. He was unavailable physically.
Eventually he just disappeared altogether. I drew a boundary. Coke OR your family. I told him he couldn't have both. He couldn't handle the stress of trying to have a normal life I guess. It was just too boring for him without the thrill & rush of cocaine (my bf smoked it but it's all the same). Now my son wants to know where his daddy is, and it's so hard to watch him cry because he daddy never came home. He wants to go find his daddy. It is a terrible unstable existence for mother and child.
Being a single mom is incredibly hard. Being a single mom while you are married to a coke addict is even worse.
And IMO, you should be mad as he!! that your husband ruined your anniversary for drugs. And you should let him know.
Learn all you can about boundaries and if you want to check out a great book - read codependent no more by melanie beatty. It will help you develop tools to handle with the tough situation you are in.