((NGU))
I'm going to throw my two cents worth in here, and I'll only charge you a penny OK? (-:
When I read the first response, well I was livid, and it wasn't even directed at me, I was mad for you. Being judged by the very people you reach out to, hurts, it hurts bad. But you know what? You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Least of all anyone who doesn't know you or all the facts.
You have done a wonderful job. As a mother, a provider, and a Dad. Yes, I said Dad. Not only have you had multiple jobs, school and life in general, but you've had to take on both roles of parenting. That's two more jobs added on. It's no wonder you are depressed and overwhelmed. Most people would have crumbled a long time ago under that kind of pressure. Most people would have given up. You didn't. Be proud of yourself.
I still don't know who I am. After raising 3 kids by myself, struggling to provide for them, fighting depression and other illnesses, to this very day I have a real hard time figuring out what I enjoy, what I like to do, what would make me happy. No matter what I accomplished, it was never enough in my mind. There came a day, when I was exactly where you are. I was just one small pull of a finger away from it all being over. The only thing that stopped me was my kids, I couldn't do that to them. I know where you are at right now.
You've concentrated so hard on work, on motherhood, what about on You? What would you like to do just for yourself, not anything anyone would expect you to want or even anything that you would expect yourself to want, go outside the box and give yourself a gift of doing one thing, just for you. I did two things for myself that made me laugh again, dancing and go cart racing. I had to force myself to do it at first, and yes I left the kids behind, but once I started doing little things for myself, it relieved some of the pressure and I could better balance my financial responsibilities, with motherhood, with life, and most important, with myself.
NGU, I'm sending lots of love, hugs, prayers....and understanding.
B